


Sanzo Quits

by ChibisUnleashed



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Crack, Gen, I hope you're as amused as I was, Nothing but crack, Rating for Language, total crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 15:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10282292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibisUnleashed/pseuds/ChibisUnleashed
Summary: Just what it says. Sanzo Quits. Just like that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> From May 2012. Cross-posting for ease of readers~
> 
> "So I was reading this other Saiyuki oneshot, and within the first paragraph it set up the scenario that Sanzo had, ‘hung up his robes for good.’ I promptly had to stop reading I was laughing so hard, because of course Sanzo can’t. But then, here he had.
> 
> So I imagined it went something like this."

“I quit”  
  
“What?” The monks blinked blankly at their priest, fairly certain they must have heard him wrong, because surely he didn’t say—  
  
“I quit. I’m retiring to the mountains.”  
  
“But Priest Sanzo—“  
  
“I’m not a Sanzo anymore.”  
  
They blinked again, then looked between each other uncertainly, before trying another angle, “Then, does that mean you are leaving the scriptures here?”  
  
“Tch,” He scoffed, “Of course not.”  
  
Now the monks were worried, because only a Sanzo could carry those, “But the Scriptures belong—“  
  
“They belong with me,” He cut them off quickly, already knowing what they would say, “My master gave them to me. Besides, you fuckers would just lose them, anyway.”  
  
Now that was uncalled for. Probably. They had to do something about this, “But Priest Sanzo—“  
  
If he would let them speak, which he wouldn’t, “Kouryuu”  
  
“What?”  
  
“My name is Kouryuu.”  
  
“…But _Kouryuu—“_  
  
“But nothing. I’m the crazy motherfucker with a gun and you’re the sissy bitch monks who won’t kill anything—namely _me—_ so I don’t see why I should bother to waste another minute here when it’s all going to come down to which of you are willing to die while the rest attempt to wrestle my Scriptures from me and I’m willing to bet the number is somewhere around zero.”  
  
…  
  
He had them, there.  
  
“Will you at least tell us which mountain you’re retiring to in case we have need of the Scriptures?”  
  
An elegant blond eyebrow was raised, “Are you being intentionally ignorant, or just stupid? The entire point of the Sanzo system is to keep the Scriptures as wide and far away as possible with the explicit purpose that _nobody_ uses them.”  
  
“But you just said you don’t want to be a part of that system—“  
  
“That has nothing to do it.” He paused. “It’s obviously a pretty shitty system, anyway, because I’m fairly certain there’s a random expanse of desert way out in Bumfuck, China acting the part of a Sanzo Priest right now.”  
  
They weren’t really sure what to say to that, “Wait, what?”  
  
“It doesn’t fucking matter. I’m leaving.”  
  
“But you’re still wearing the Sanzo Priest robes!”  
  
“Of course I am, you idiot. They’re the only clothes I have. Did you expect me to walk out of the temple naked? I’m sure the local townspeople would love to gossip about that.”  
  
There… was really nothing they could do, was there?  
  
“Oh, and tell the floating heads not to cancel my card or I’ll only be coming back to commit arson.”


End file.
